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But as we sat down to dinner and he leaned over to kiss me, I felt uncomfortable.


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Clearly the entire restaurant thought I had daddy issues, was being paid by the hour, or was accompanied by my sugar daddy. Although if I wanted a sugar daddy, I could have a sugar daddy, because I am what? In our search for something stable, were we just supposed to exclusively date men a generation older than us or to hold out for the exception to the rule?

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He was handsome, genuine and seemed settled. Could someone be too mature? But when our date came around and he blew me off a little too casually, I questioned my initial judgement. While these data sources all measure different degrees of openness, one result is strikingly similar: All three suggest that the openly gay population is dramatically higher in more tolerant states, defined using an estimate by Nate Silver of support for same-sex marriage.

On Facebook, for example, about 1 percent of men in Mississippi who list a gender preference say that they are interested in men; in California, more than 3 percent do. Are there really so many fewer gay men living in less tolerant states? There is no evidence that gay men would be less likely to be born in these states.

Single & Fabulous? | 'Are emotionally mature men the unicorns of gay dating?'

Have many of them moved to more tolerant areas? Some have, but Facebook data show that mobility can explain only a small fraction of the difference in the totally out population. I searched gay and straight men by state of birth and state of current residence. This information is available only for a subset of Facebook users.

Some gay men do move out of less tolerant states, but this effect is small. I estimate that the openly gay population would be about 0. The percent of male high school students who identify themselves as gay on Facebook is also much lower in less tolerant areas. Because high school students are less mobile than adults, this suggests that a gay exodus from these areas is not a large factor. We can approach the question of whether intolerant areas actually have fewer gay men another way, too, by estimating the percent of searches for pornography that are looking for depictions of gay men.

I used anonymous, aggregate data from Google.

Anthony Gil├ęt decides to set his sights older in search of a man with maturity.

The advantage of this data source, of course, is that most men are making these searches in private. Women search, too, but in much smaller numbers. While tolerant states have a slightly higher percentage of these searches, roughly 5 percent of pornographic searches are looking for depictions of gay men in all states. This again suggests that there are just about as many gay men in less tolerant states as there are anywhere else.

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Since less tolerant states have similar percentages of gay men but far fewer openly gay men, there is a clear relationship between tolerance and openness. Stanley loves the ball launcher and can finagle the most insane catches imaginable.


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