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The results aren't surprising, which is perhaps the worst part of this study. It only confirms what so many of us have experienced and further illustrates a problem that it seems has plagued gay men for as long as anything resembling a gay community has existed.

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A problem that is exacerbated by the media and perpetuated by hookup culture. There's no simple solution to fixing generations of this antifat bias—the idolization of the male body has always been part and parcel of gay culture—but that's why we have bears.


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And otters and cubs and others in this sexual menagerie that reject and subvert the idea of the ideal body. Just a thought. Oh, and don't fuck with others who use that kind of language. This severely shrinks the pool of potential partners, which has made finding a girlfriend feel next to impossible for her.

In my opinion, gender roles provide guidance and define the role people in a relationship should consider taking. For many of my friends who are or who have been in same-sex relationships, they have recognized there are power imbalances and have worked through them. My friends felt that being able to effectively communicate and work through the conflict that the power imbalance posed ultimately determined whether or not their relationship would survive.

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Conflict can be healthy and one's ability to work through a conflict and come out of it builds character. I had wrongly assumed that if my same-sex relationships could not be built along opposite gender lines, then they would have to be defined by me being naturally submissive while finding a dominant partner; instead, this just led to even more tension as I felt like my partners were taking too much of a leadership role and therefore shutting me out of the decision-making in our relationships.

As I seek a new relationship, I have learned that while I will continue to be submissive, I need to be very clear with a future partner. I will tell them how I view my role in the relationship and ask how they view theirs, setting reasonable expectations and sidestepping potential pitfalls. Most importantly, I need to be an effective communicator rather than just sitting back and letting my partner exert full control over me. Some couples may not need to have these types of conversations, but the lack of communication on a variety of subjects can lead to relationships deteriorating.

It is OK to be submissive, but I'll need to set boundaries using the lessons I obtained from prior relationships in an attempt to avoid them from repeating themselves again in the future if I want to ultimately settle down with somebody and make it last. Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements. Learn more. All Sections. Parents Alyson Schafer Baby Names. Firestorm, 19 years.

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